My first memory dates back to the time when I was about three years old. I lived with my sister and parents in Prague. A shop window or a theater notice board displayed a marionette of a grim reaper in a tailcoat, playing the piano. This picture is the only thing I remember. But I know from my childhood videos and from what my parents told me that from this moment on, I was intensely scared of marionettes and death. I did not understand that the marionette represented a dramatic character. I yielded to the illusion that it was a real living creature.

Another important memory is from a few months, maybe years later. I was sitting in a church, attending a service with my parents. It is typical for a church to talk about death. The crucified Jesus is in front of the altarpiece, and the painting behind the altarpiece features one of the martyrs. In church, people sing, read, and preach about death so that one does not forget it. The grim subject of the Last Judgment and redemption are discussed, people thank God. I remember my fear and anxiety and how I felt an emotional distress overwhelming me. I made my parents assure me we would never die. They of course kept reassuring me that I would not die to lull me and stop me from crying. On the other hand, I know that, as religious people, they meant it seriously. I guess I have been a believer since then, too. But marionettes, grim reapers, and death scare me even today.

My diploma deals with vulnerability, early memories, fear, and reactions to various life experiences. The main subject is keeping one’s distance from fear and anxiety and finding space for therapy and hope, which leads to believing that everything would eventually turn out well. I like to be afraid if I know that fear would be followed by the pleasant sense of relief. The marionettes in my painting series symbolize horror and restlessness. Tenderness and hope are represented by the figure of a horse that plays the role of the closest companion. In the series, I work with the ambiguity between fear and courage, tenderness and creepiness, calm and restlessness, damnation and redemption.